Letters of Recommendation:
1-Professor Dianne Brown: Dbrown226@occ.cccd.edu
2- EOPS Counselor Melissa Rosado:
Mrosado4@occ.cccd.edu
Examples/ suggestions for Scholarship:
Introduction: states what you are going to say; Body: attacks the topic in a more detailed
fashion, supporting each claim with evidence; Conclusion: sums up the argument and reminds
the reader of what’s been proven
The best way to do this is by being specific and personal when you write. Your personal insights
will be special and unusual to your readers. And always be sure to include the details that will
make your experience come alive: the ‘who,’ ‘what,’ ‘where,’ and ‘when’ of your topic. The
simplest experience can be monumental if you present honestly how you were affected.
Recount an anecdote from your childhood and suggest how this experience influenced your later
development. Open with a quotation you find meaningful, and provide an interpretation that
sums up your personal philosophy. Select an aspect of your family history and describe how it
guides your current plans.
Trace your chronological development throughout high school. Talk about how your studies and
your extracurricular activities reveal very different aspects of your personality. Highlight how
the various members of your family have influenced you, dedicating a single paragraph to each.
use your final paragraph to take your essay to the next level. Think about the consequences of
everything you’ve written. Use the conclusion to point to the bigger picture: how will your
experiences and background help you become the person you want to be? Writing this kind of
essay takes a lot of hard work, but it’s work that can pay off. By paying attention to structure,
you help your reader process all the information you are providing. The result is an essay that
succeeds in its goal of creating a memorable picture of you – one that may help you win a
scholarship!
—————————————————————-
irresistible! Begin with an intriguing quotation or attention getting (but not bizarre) statement. Or
relate an anecdote illuminating your reason for pursuing the school or course of study you’ve
chosen.
The life of Ayaan Hirsi Ali? That makes you exceptional. Show your readers what makes you
stand out from all the others with stratospheric GPAs, cool jobs, obstacles overcome, and eons of
community service.
Do you conduct chemistry experiments in your garage? Are you driven to master string theory?
Did you teach yourself Japanese . . . just because? Did you decide on college when galvanized by
an insight while completing some military or business task?
describe it. Whatever best reveals you, let them know. “We want to know their passion,”
Tell them. Why do you want an education—at the school you selected? What do you plan to do
with your degree? What do you intend to contribute to that school? to our world?
“Let them know you’ve been an honors student.” low students? If so, describe what you did, and
state what you learned from doing it. Angela Skrivanich, Transfer Specialist at UC Berkeley,
urges you to tell about an intellectual experience you value—some book, concept, experiment or
teacher that set you to pondering.
Fire up that imagination of yours! Aim to write so compellingly that your readers delight in your
first paragraph, and are entranced
Do not exceed word limit!
————————————————————————————————–Notes:
I am currently attending Orange Coast College and am in EOPS and ARC.
Volunteer Service:
Volunteer service as a peer notetaker in HLED A100 class during Fall 2023
Accomplishments:
Honors NTHS (National Technical Honors Society)
I attended Santa Barbara City College in 2001 did not do well, at that time I had a few obstacles
to overcome with family etc. My father sent me out there mostly because conditions were not
good at my house at the time. Nor was the situation at my mother’s house , etc.
I have bartended since I was twenty-one and have always wanted to be in a profession that I
would be proud of my education and of course an occupation I enjoy and feel that I am making
a difference in the world. Progress to a profession where I have options to grow and help others
in the health industry. The medical field is a personally fulfilling industry that is in constant
demand and there is always room to grow.
Twenty years later Decided to change my profession and improve my education with the help
of my sister whom is working on her BA for nursing and suggested Radiology Technician might
be a great fit for me to follow through with.
Since I returned to school, I am very appreciative to have financial aid and EOPS both that have
made it possible for me to continue and follow through with my education financially. If were
not for these programs I would not have been able to complete the goals I am working toward.
My most difficult challenge has been Anatomy/ Physiology, since completing that course my
study habits have changed for the better and am much more detailed and thorough when it
comes to my studies. I have learned to make my education a top priority.
My GPA dropped drastically due to my previous grades at SBCC, and it has taken a few years to
improve that Status. My GPA is at 3.4.
At the moment I am in the process of academic renewal at SBCC to bring up my GPA.
I am on the list as of November for Radiology Technician and am looking forward to them
calling me in this March or March of next year to begin the two-year program.
I am worried about my financial situation while I am in the program. Considering the length of
the program and cost.
While I am waiting to be called in for the program, I am transferring to Cal State Fullerton to
work on my BA in the associates of Arts after this semester at Orange Coast College.
My hobbies are hiking and running.
WRITING THE PERSONAL STATEMENT: SOME TIPS
by
Chuck Whitchurch
“Writing is hard work
and bad for the health.”
—E. B. White
Fretting over your personal
statement? Fussing about ways
to proceed? Then take a break
and read some helpful hints
from Berkeley, UCI, UCLA
and other great schools. These
tips derive from meetings over
the years with key admissions
personnel, as well as from
presentations at the National
Collegiate Honors Council
conference.
)
I hope you don’t think
of your essay as something you
can do well at the last minute.
It takes thought. And time.
Teachers who offer workshops
in the personal statement advise you to allow several
weeks (some say months) to
prepare it. So let’s get started!
When you begin, first consider your purpose—admission
or scholarship. Then orient
your statement accordingly.
So many bland essays
cross their desks that readers
on university committees can
go glassy-eyed just reading the
first paragraph. So make yours
irresistible! Begin with an intriguing quotation or attentiongetting (but not bizarre) statement. Or relate an anecdote
illuminating your reason for
pursuing the school or course
of study you’ve chosen. If
standing on a mountaintop one
cool dawn and releasing a
golden eagle back into the wild
inspired your decision to become a veterinarian, then make
that flight come alive. Write in
pictures when you can.
b
Let your readers see
who you are, because they
really do want to know. Do
you love to fence or play the
lute? Tell them. Do you strum
your guitar and sing your own
songs to the inmates at Elysian
Elder Care? Let your readers
know. Did you just finish a
screenplay about the life of
Ayaan Hirsi Ali? That makes
you exceptional. Show your
readers what makes you stand
out from all the others with
stratospheric GPAs, cool jobs,
obstacles overcome, and eons
of community service.
As you might guess, every
successful student is “dedicated to education.” You don’t
need to tell your readers that
you are too; your grades and
involvement in honors manifest your commitment. But
you must show them who you
are: what you dream and do
that distinguishes you from
everyone else.
(
Do you conduct chemistry experiments in your garage? Are you driven to master
string theory? Did you teach
yourself Japanese . . . just because? Did you decide on college when galvanized by an
insight while completing some
military or business task? Then
describe it. Whatever best reveals you, let them know.
“We want to know their
passion,” says Joan Lippman,
Associate Dean of Admission
at Stanford University. So tell
them. Why do you want an
education—at the school you
selected? What do you plan to
do with your degree? What do
you intend to contribute to
that school? to our world?
“What do you intend to
contribute to the world?
Tell them . . . ”
Has a life-changing epiphany about an idea or your
future given you new direction? While you were jogging
to your second job, did images
from a documentary on Mali
fill your mind and convince
you to ramp up the fight
against AIDS? At your animal
shelter job did you sense that
doing canine research could
yield ideas about curtailing
gang violence? While cleaning
the beaches do you obsess over
poli sci and ecology because
you want to become the governor who restores California’s
coastline? Then let your readers know that. Tell them your
dreams. And tell them how an
education at their university
can further your goals.
i
Do not be shy
about your achievements. You
don’t want to sound like you
are boasting, but you do need
to highlight your accomplish-
ments. Use personal narrative,
explanations, and testimony
from others to illustrate your
points. And be specific: details
help your readers envision
what you’re talking about.
Don’t just say, “During my
summer on the island I helped
the villagers.” Say: “I determined from my survey that we
needed a system to deliver potable water. After we built it, I
went from hut to hut collecting
data which showed that in two
months cholera cases had declined by 64%. The villagers
smiled and told me the project
worked because I had chispa—
spark, an energetic spirit.”
!
It’s a good idea to recount
a significant honors experience. Did you have an aha!
moment in an honors seminar?
Have you discovered in your
Honors Speech class that you
have a flair for leadership?
Did you turn the job of Honors Council member into a
major contribution to your fel-
“Let them know you’ve
been an honors student.”
low students? If so, describe
what you did, and state what
you learned from doing it.
Angela Skrivanich, Transfer Specialist at UC Berkeley,
urges you to tell about an
intellectual experience you
value—some book, concept,
experiment or teacher that set
you to pondering. Mentioning
an honors high point, she
notes, reminds the committee that you have been an
honors student, which is a significant predictor of academic
success. That’s one reason
Betty Glick, Associate Vice
Provost for Undergraduate
Education at UCLA, gives
special consideration to applications by graduates of qualified honors programs.
So do others, including the
Humanities Academic Counselor at UCI, Raschel Greenberg. A former UCI-HTCC liaison who holds the HTCC
consortium in high esteem,
she advises you to state that
you were a presenter at the
March scholarship conference
(assuming you were, of
course!), because people are
favorably impressed by that
achievement. By the way, she
adds, remember to write out
the name: Honors Transfer
Council of California.
y
Take care with
your writing. Do not exceed
the word limit, not even by
one. But do use fresh phrasing
—your own words, please.
Don’t put off your readers
with stale thoughts and cliché
expressions. Apt, fresh metaphors or similes, when they
clarify your points, add more
pizzazz than do peppers to
pizza. So fire up that imagination of yours! Aim to write
so compellingly that your
readers delight in your first
paragraph, and are entranced
all the way to the end.
x
••
•At some point you’ll
want to ask a bright, critical
friend to evaluate your essay
for you. Frequently. And since
even the best of us goof up,
scrutinize his or her critiques. Because if you spell
weirdly or ravage grammar,
if you write vaguely or fail to
heed instructions, then all is
lost. Even if you’re the best
qualified applicant, careless
errors will land your statement
in the reject pile. So: follow
every instruction precisely.
Proofread with the zeal of a
zealot. And ask your reader
friend to be unsparing. . .
As often as you need to,
set your essay aside for a few
days, then come back to it.
Try re-reading it as if you
were on the committee. If that
means you revise it ten or
twenty times, don’t feel like
the lone writer—your competition is rewriting, late into the
night, right along with you!
After you’ve gone to bed
satisfied that you’ve given it
your all, the next morning
inspect your essay one last
time, paying attention to the
tiniest of details—including
how neat it looks. (Appearance may seem trivial, but it
matters.) Then send off your
creation, pleased, we hope, in
knowing that you really have
done your very best.
B
H
I
?
To end on a cheery
note, once you have finished
tooting your own horn, why
not treat yourself and that
long-suffering friend of yours
to a tasty, well-deserved celebratory brunch!
dg
finis
Writing a Scholarship Essay
From Fastweb.com
Keep in mind that you are asking to be selected as the representative for the group sponsoring the
scholarship. You need to be sure that your essay is specifically designed to reflect how you could
serve as that representative – not that you are generally a good student, but that you fit the profile
they are seeking to reward.
But I Don’t Like Talking About Myself!
As you probably already know, the essay is the most complicated part of the application. Even if
you’re the greatest writer who ever lived, the essay is going to take longer to complete than any other
part of the application. And it should! After all, it’s the part of the application where the ‘real you’ can
shine through. Are you worried that the other applicants may have better grades or more impressive
accomplishments? Well, put those fears to rest because you’ve got your essay – your own personal
stamp of originality! And it could just make the difference.
That said, you probably won’t be surprised to hear that the scholarship providers we consulted gave a
big ‘thumbs up’ to originality when describing the kinds of essays they like to read. Your essay should
reflect what is unique about you. Be honest and true to yourself and write about something that sets
you apart. Remember that readers may be faced with hundreds of essays to read. It’s your job to
make your essay stands out from the rest.
The best way to do this is by being specific and personal when you write. Your personal insights will
be special and unusual to your readers. And always be sure to include the details that will make your
experience come alive: the ‘who,’ ‘what,’ ‘where,’ and ‘when’ of your topic. The simplest experience
can be monumental if you present honestly how you were affected.
Similarly, you should not feel shy about ‘talking about yourself.’ A lot of the time the application will
ask you to talk about things you should be proud of, such as your talents and past achievements.
Don’t be afraid to do this! You’re not being conceited. After all, you’ve worked hard to become the
person you are: a person who could win a scholarship. Be truthful and be proud of your
accomplishments.
The Reader is as Important as the Writer
So far, we’ve focused a lot on you. But you are only half the story. It’s also important to keep in mind
the other half of the essay: the people for whom you are writing.
To put it in the most basic terms: know your audience. Essays and resumes are not ‘one size fits all.’
You should not be able to crank out one essay and send it out with every application you send. That
is, you shouldn’t if you want to succeed. Each essay you write should be particularly tailored to suit
the interests and requirements of the award at hand.
Another way to think about this is to keep in mind that you are asking to be selected as the
representative for the group sponsoring the scholarship. You need to be sure that your essay is
specifically designed to reflect how you could serve as that representative – not that you are generally
a good student, but that you fit the profile they are seeking to reward. You can’t possibly convey that
with a ‘one-size-fits-all’ essay.
Here’s an example. Imagine you are applying for an award that is sponsored by a local philanthropic
organization. Why talk about your experiences in your high school choir when you could be telling
them about your work with Habitat for Humanity? Save you’re description of your experiences as
choir soloist for that music scholarship that your are applying for. In both cases, you are telling them
about yourself; it’s just that you are emphasizing different things in each essay – hopefully, things that
will convince them that you are the kind of student they want to award a scholarship.
Neatness Still Counts!
Let’s finish up with the most obvious bit of information – but a vital point, nonetheless: neatness
counts! Sure, what you say is vital, but you shouldn’t neglect how you present your pearls of wisdom,
either. Turn in a sloppy essay and the committee may not even read it at all!
A big part of neatness is providing an essay that is easy to read. This means making sure it is clearly
typed. If you have to print your essay, make sure it is very, very neat – but keep in mind it’s always
best to type!
Another trick for keeping things neat: provide a lot of ‘white space’ on the page. Double-space the
essay, and provide adequate margins (1″-1 1/2″) on all sides. The scholarship committee will be
reading many, many essays. They’ll appreciate it if you leave space for them to take notes in the
margin.
Finally, what we said about the rest of the scholarship application applies here as well. Proofread very
carefully. You don’t want your readers to be stumbling over misspelled words and sentence
fragments. Give them a chance to assess your ideas by making your style as clear as possible.
Check the spelling and grammar, and then go nuts and run spell-check on your computer as well (if
you have it). But don’t stop there! Get someone else to read your essay. Another pair of eyes can
catch the errors you may miss.
Before you sit down to Write (capital ‘W’), you have to write (small ‘w’). Get a pad and pen, and take
some time to brainstorm. You may feel like you’re only wasting time – but in reality it’s the most crucial
time you’ll spend.
The ‘Write’ Stuff: Writing Winning Scholarship Essays
Part 1: Writing and Pre-Writing
As we’ve said before, the essay can be the most powerful part of your scholarship application. So
how do you go about crafting the best possible scholarship essay, the one that gets you noticed and
gets you the award? By following a few tips to make your writing stronger. And take heart: if you
strengthen your writing skills for your scholarship essays, you’ll strengthen your writing in general.
That’s a skill you’ll be happy to have throughout college and for the rest of your life!
Brainstorming and Planning
So you’ve got a big writing assignment ahead of you. Maybe it’s an essay you need to submit for a
scholarship application. Or your ‘Statement of Purpose’ for college or graduate school. Or perhaps it’s
an essay for one of your classes. The best thing to do is launch right in. After all, it’s a writing
assignment, isn’t it? So you should be writing, right?
Courageous notions, all. And completely wrong.
The truth is, one of the last things you should do when writing the essay is write the essay. It’s a
paradox most writers have experienced: the sooner you jump in with the writing, the longer it will take,
and the worse (and harder) it will be.
So what exactly are we telling you? That you have free license to go watch t.v. and hang with your
friends until the last second? Not in the least. You have plenty of work to do, but it’s not writing. It’s
pre-writing.
Pre-writing refers to the many steps you take to get yourself ready to write. Have you ever sat down
to write and found you just didn’t know where to start? Why? Because you don’t know what you want
to say yet. Since you haven’t yet figured out the “big picture,” the “smaller picture” – the first sentence
or paragraph – is impossible.
So before you sit down to Write (capital ‘W’), you have to write (small ‘w’). Get a pad and pen, and
take some time to brainstorm. You may feel like you’re only wasting time – but in reality it’s the most
crucial time you’ll spend.
To see how this is done, let’s take a case study: the ‘personal essay.’ “Write about yourself,” the
application form tells you. Well, that’s a big, big topic. You want to leave a strong impression; you
want to give a unique sense of yourself. But how?
First, think about the essay as the answers to questions you ask yourself. And here’s the trick: the
kind of question you ask is half the battle. Don’t ask vague questions like “Why am I special?”; “Why
should I win this scholarship?” Instead, ask questions that will produce concrete, detail-filled
responses: “What are some of my favorite activities?”; “What was the best/worst experience of my
life?”; etc.
Jot down a list of questions like these. Then, on a separate sheet, start jotting down your answers.
Throw down whatever comes to mind. Use fragments, single words, references to things you
remember – anything to trigger your memories.
If you’re dealing with an assignment in which questions are provided, do the same thing, but use the
questions they give you to help you brainstorm. But you shouldn’t simply give a list of your answers to
each question. Instead, use the questions to jumpstart your thinking.
Going From the Brainstorm to Your First Draft
Okay, so now you’ve generated some ideas, some things to write about. But how do you get those
broad ideas into an essay?
There are two basic techniques that most writers have used at one time or another: free- writing and
outlining. They’ll help you to generate more specific ideas and organize your ideas into a coherent
whole.
Free-Writing
The most basic technique is free-writing. Free-writing is a lot like brainstorming, but on ‘zoom-in’
focus. The difference here is that you’ve already chosen your main focus (during your brainstorming
session) and you are starting to focus in on the details of your argument.
So what exactly is free-writing? It’s just like it sounds: you start writing (hopefully on topic) and you
don’t stop to organize your points or think about the larger structure of the essay. You write in streamof-consciousness, letting your ideas trigger new thoughts.
When free-writing, a good way to get the ideas (and the writing) flowing freely is to set a time-specific
goal and stick to it. For example, start writing and don’t look back at anything you’ve written for a set
amount of time. The idea is to write until you relax and get on a roll.
When you’re done, re-read what you’ve written with an eye toward revising. Pick out the
good points, weed away the digressions, and rewrite this original draft so that your ideas come across
clearly.
Some interesting things may come out of your free-writing. You may find that the last idea you came
up with becomes the introductory premise in your next draft. You may find that you started with one
statement but by the end of your essay, you completely disagree with it. You may even find that in the
process of writing you’ve found a topic that interests you more.
Outlining
Another technique to try is outlining. Sometimes it’s hard to get started until you know where you are
going. In that case, starting with an outline can help. And if you’ve tried free-writing and are having
trouble re-organizing your material, outlining can be a helpful next step in the writing process.
As you begin to outline, jot down a number of topics that you think you may want to cover in your
essay. If you’ve already done some free-writing, you might want to go through your draft and
underline or highlight topics that seem important. Put these topics in a list, leaving a space between
the various ideas. Keep reviewing your list, filling in the spaces between points with additional details.
As the list gets longer, you will start to see patterns forming. Some details can be classed together
under a single heading. You may come up with additional examples to bolster one of the points you
want to make. Continue to revise your outline and reorganize the points as you work toward the kind
of essay you want to write. With your full outline in place, you should feel ready to draft your essay.
You’ve worked out your structure in advance, so there’s little chance that digressions or irrelevant
tangents will clutter your ideas.
Pre-writing and revising: these are the first steps toward improving your writing. Master these skills,
and you’re well on your way to a better essay. Here are some tips for producing a well-written essay
that will make your English teacher proud – and will catch the attention of scholarship judges and
admissions officers.
The ‘Write’ Stuff: Writing Winning Scholarship Essays
Part 2: Crafting a Compelling Personal Essay
Last time, we talked about how to improve your writing through pre-writing, free-writing and outlining.
This time, we’ll be talking about how to construct a compelling personal essay.
The personal essay is a unique project. Like any essay, it needs to be well-written and clearly
structured if it is going to persuade its reader. On the other hand, it’s quite unlike the writing you do for
your classes because it has a different goal: to give the reader a clear impression of your personality.
Here are some tips for producing a well-written essay that will make your English teacher proud – and
will catch the attention of scholarship judges and admissions officers.
Balancing Structure with Personality
The key to a well-written essay is a clear structure. It signals to the reader its main idea and builds
detail after detail in a logical structure to create a single impression. In most essays, this structure
consists of three parts:
Introduction: states what you are going to say;
Body: attacks the topic in a more detailed fashion, supporting each claim with
evidence;
Conclusion: sums up the argument and reminds the reader of what’s been
proven.
Keep this structure in mind when you write your personal essay. Sticking to a well-defined structure
helps your reader to follow your thoughts. But while you want to create a well-organized essay, you
also want to create a memorable impression. Here are some suggestions for how you can do both.
THE INTRODUCTION The first paragraph of your personal essay needs to do the same thing any introduction does: prepare
your reader for the rest of your essay. In a conventional essay, you would do this by making a general
statement and summarizing how you plan to prove this point.
But remember that a personal essay can be more creative and reflect your personality. Here are
some ideas for creating an introduction that has impact:
Recount an anecdote from your childhood and suggest how this experience
influenced your later development. Open with a quotation you find meaningful,
and provide an interpretation that sums up your personal philosophy. Select an
aspect of your family history and describe how it guides your current plans.
By using a more imaginative approach, you create an eye-catching opening that will also help tie your
essay together.
THE BODY In a more conventional essay, the body of the essay is where you present the evidence to support the
main idea. In a personal essay, the body serves a similar function – but instead of providing evidence,
the body should provide greater detail about your plans, experiences and background.
Your goal is to include enough detail to convey your individuality while creating a unified impression.
The best way to do this is to plan ahead. If you haven’t tried using an outline to plan your writing, this
may be a good time to start. Before you start writing, choose which details you want to provide. Are
you going to talk about your work experiences? Your school activities? Your relationship with your
family?
Next, decide how you are going to categorize this information. Here are some examples:
Trace your chronological development throughout high school.
Talk about how your studies and your extracurricular activities reveal very
different aspects of your personality.
Highlight how the various members of your family have influenced you,
dedicating a single paragraph to each.
When you make these kinds of decisions about your essay’s structure, you create a clearer statement
about yourself – one that your reader can easily follow.
THE CONCLUSIONIn a typical essay, the conclusion is where you sum up your argument. In a personal essay, you need
to provide a similar kind of summary to create a final image of yourself.
But avoid simply reiterating what you’ve said before. Instead, use your final paragraph to take your
essay to the next level. Think about the consequences of everything you’ve written. Use the
conclusion to point to the bigger picture: how will your experiences and background help you become
the person you want to be?
Writing this kind of essay takes a lot of hard work, but it’s work that can pay off. By paying attention to
structure, you help your reader process all the information you are providing. The result is an essay
that succeeds in its goal of creating a memorable picture of you – one that may help you win a scholarship!